July 29 2012
feminism sex etc WHY
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Asking for Sex: What Do You Do When the Guy Says No?
———————————————
#TrueStory: chalk it up to #VenusRetrograde but last month saw exes coming out the woodworks. I had a chance to have dinner and clear the air with one that I really liked.  After a lovely dinner and good conversation (not to mention an extended drought), I asked if he’d like to accompany me back to my room.
Surprise of surprises: he declined. Exasperated (and horny) I asked “Why?” Lo and behold, he flipped the gender script and told me some version of: “I’m happy to have you back in my life. I don’t want to move too prematurely because we are rebuilding our relationship.” Riiiiight. What I wanted to know is what our “relationship” had to do with the sex that I needed to have right then and there.
For that there were no answers.…
But what I can tell you is this: Getting my courage up to ask a partner that I trust for the sex that I wanted only to be turned down left me feeling hella disempowered.
As feminists one of the major tenets of hetero-sex positivity discourse is making women feel empowered to ask for what we want, to know that our needs and desires matter. Back in the day, some of the original pro-sex Hip Hop Feminists, TLC said, “yo, if I need it in the morning or the middle of the night, I ain’t too proud to beg”…
Now that women are prioritizing sexual pleasure, men are changing the rules. They are recognizing that sexual performance can decline with age just like beauty.
But frankly, strictly speaking from my own experience, I think that men say no as a way to regain power.
 I have a strong personality, I’m outspoken, and smart. Whatever the fuck Steve Harvey says, I know some brothers have found it intimidating. Denying sex becomes an easy way for men to let you know who’s boss.
Of late, I’ve had more than a few homegirls tell me about the negative reactions that they have gotten from men they were casually involved with, when they tried to prioritize sex in the interaction. Apparently, even when these brothers weren’t all that interested in a relationship, they took it as a serious blow to the ego, to find out that sisters just wanted to engage them for their bodies and sexual talents.
And in the classic fashion of those with privilege, they played the victim, changed the rules, and refused to give the thing they had the power to give. In this case, sex.

wat
WAT.
NO MEANS NO UNLESS YOU’RE A MAN, THEN YOU ARE DISEMPOWERING ME WHEN I WANT SEX.


DID I READ THIS CORRECTLY??
I’m pretty dumbfounded. I almost think this is a joke? WAT

Asking for Sex: What Do You Do When the Guy Says No?

———————————————

#TrueStory: chalk it up to #VenusRetrograde but last month saw exes coming out the woodworks. I had a chance to have dinner and clear the air with one that I really liked.  After a lovely dinner and good conversation (not to mention an extended drought), I asked if he’d like to accompany me back to my room.

Surprise of surprises: he declined. Exasperated (and horny) I asked “Why?” Lo and behold, he flipped the gender script and told me some version of: “I’m happy to have you back in my life. I don’t want to move too prematurely because we are rebuilding our relationship.” Riiiiight. What I wanted to know is what our “relationship” had to do with the sex that I needed to have right then and there.

For that there were no answers.



But what I can tell you is this: Getting my courage up to ask a partner that I trust for the sex that I wanted only to be turned down left me feeling hella disempowered.

As feminists one of the major tenets of hetero-sex positivity discourse is making women feel empowered to ask for what we want, to know that our needs and desires matter. Back in the day, some of the original pro-sex Hip Hop Feminists, TLC said, “yo, if I need it in the morning or the middle of the night, I ain’t too proud to beg”



Now that women are prioritizing sexual pleasure, men are changing the rules. They are recognizing that sexual performance can decline with age just like beauty.

But frankly, strictly speaking from my own experience, I think that men say no as a way to regain power.

 I have a strong personality, I’m outspoken, and smart. Whatever the fuck Steve Harvey says, I know some brothers have found it intimidating. Denying sex becomes an easy way for men to let you know who’s boss.

Of late, I’ve had more than a few homegirls tell me about the negative reactions that they have gotten from men they were casually involved with, when they tried to prioritize sex in the interaction. Apparently, even when these brothers weren’t all that interested in a relationship, they took it as a serious blow to the ego, to find out that sisters just wanted to engage them for their bodies and sexual talents.

And in the classic fashion of those with privilege, they played the victim, changed the rules, and refused to give the thing they had the power to give. In this case, sex.

wat

WAT.

NO MEANS NO UNLESS YOU’RE A MAN, THEN YOU ARE DISEMPOWERING ME WHEN I WANT SEX.


DID I READ THIS CORRECTLY??

I’m pretty dumbfounded. I almost think this is a joke? WAT

  1. ragemytrust reblogged this from elephantsandtoasters
  2. elephantsandtoasters reblogged this from plumadesatada
  3. plumadesatada reblogged this from small-potato-of-defiance
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  5. small-potato-of-defiance reblogged this from shadowfire1223
  6. shadowfire1223 reblogged this from omg-opinions
  7. gerardwayqueenofsass reblogged this from thewolfjerk
  8. ajayfray reblogged this from socialjusticefail and added:
    No. No no no! "No means no," is not just for children and women. Men have the right to say it too! Is it just so strange...
  9. theorclair reblogged this from socialjusticefail
  10. aber-flyingtiger reblogged this from ellieebones and added:
    It’s so entitled it’s sickening
  11. ellieebones reblogged this from aber-flyingtiger and added:
    This makes me fucking sick. As somebody who has had their “no” ignored I am disgusted that it’s being said it’s okay...
  12. kurollama reblogged this from implying-things-are-good and added:
    I’m….actually kind of speechless.
  13. shitsleeve reblogged this from aber-flyingtiger
  14. downwithhisship reblogged this from implying-things-are-good and added:
    Wow. Been disempowering bitches for years now then. Fantastic!
  15. we-believe-in-this reblogged this from heil-hydra
  16. heil-hydra reblogged this from socialjusticefail
  17. frauvelv reblogged this from socialjusticefail
  18. emiwinsatlife reblogged this from socialjusticefail
  19. aomi-armster reblogged this from socialjusticefail and added:
    WHAT THE FUCK
  20. fluffologist reblogged this from socialjusticefail
  21. firewhiskkeyyy reblogged this from socialjusticefail
  22. just-the-bear-and-me00 reblogged this from socialjusticefail and added:
    IS THE THERE A GAS LEAK IN HERE? IS THIS REAL LIFE?WHAT IS HAPPENING
  23. implying-things-are-good reblogged this from socialjusticefail and added:
    Wait what? Where’s this from? What plebeian wrote this?
  24. bespectaclednerd reblogged this from socialjusticefail and added:
    I…what? I can’t even with this post. This is sick and fucked up shit.
  25. smileforallthestrangers reblogged this from aber-flyingtiger and added:
    What the actual fuck did I just read?!
  26. socialjusticefail reblogged this from cominatrix
  27. thewolfjerk reblogged this from twizzlefix
  28. goodmorning-sun-shine reblogged this from sayonarahalcyondays
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